Lord of the Dorks, Part 3
by FlowerofAdversity
Summary: At long last, the parody is complete.


Lord of the Dorks  
Return of the Chief  
  
Betrayal and Lies...  
  
Smeargut was a Habit who was trying to live his life honestly. That is, until he found the sacred Protector of inconceivable power. Smeargut and his friend were out on a lake in Bellbottom village when a change in both Habits could be seen. Smeargut had been the one who had found the sacred object, rightfully, however his friend wanted it for himself. The two friends were having a friendly conversation, and matters got out of hand, literally. Before his eyes, Smeargut had strangled his best friend to death, all for the lust for power. Ashamed, Smeargut ran away from the village and into the mountains where he was transformed into Gagum.  
  
Presently...  
  
History was repeating itself like it had then. Gagum had eaten all of Frito's last rations and directed the blame to Sideways. Sideways admitted he had no part in eating of the elven cookies. Frito believed Gagum and thought Sideways was lying. For the first time in Sideways life, he had seen a side of Frito that he didn't understand. Frito wasn't himself, and he wasn't listening to reason. Sideways had heard enough of Frito's yelling and Gagum's lies that it was making him sick to his stomach. Sideways knew he had been betrayed, and that was all he needed to know. With no further words said, Sideways went south and Frito continued following the impish Gagum.  
  
Another Battle...  
  
Suddenly, battle had begun to break out not too far away from the White Processor. They were growing closer and closer to the sacred Tower. So many had come into this meaningless battle for the same purpose. They were all seeking the supernatural power of the One Protector. Even the sinister Great Horned Gates was seeking the Protector. All the while, a young woman had joined the men of Middle Garth to fight in order to protect the White Processor and the White Mac Tree. Her father had forbid her to do such a thing, but she had gone into the battle with the will to guard the White Processor from intruders. It seemed that she had chosen the wrong side, but she didn't care. She was fighting for truth, justice, and the coming holy monopoly of the Returning Chief that had been prophesized.  
  
Elsewhere...  
  
Gagum had betrayed Frito and led him to the dwelling place of a huge spider virus that had infected him and paralyzed him. Gagum had scurried away before the virus could infect him as well. The virus had only immobilized Frito to later eat him alive. Before the virus had its chance to eat Frito whole, some Dolts found him and took him away. They took everything of value from him, but the Protector was nowhere to be found. Unbeknownst to Frito, Sideways had borrowed it for a time because he had an intuition that Gagum had corrupted Frito's mind. Sideways would return for his friend, free him and they would make the journey to Mount Microsoft together. As far as Sideways and Frito knew, Gagum was dead and had probably been devoured by the monster virus. They couldn't be any further from the truth.  
  
The Throes of Battle and the Climb up Mount Microsoft...  
  
Back at the White Processor, the thousands marching ever closer to the Processor could see oncoming attackers. The valley was in ruin, but at long last, the Conks decided to join in at the last moment. Pipsqueak had it lucky when he was picked up by the lovely woman warrior who was about to give the Great Horned Gates a thrashing once he appeared. It was a gruesome, gory, epic battle. Gates never suspected a woman would be his downfall, and he found that out the hard way later.  
  
The Searum Eye had found Frito and the Protector. Already exhausted, Frito collapsed behind a tall rock only miles away from Mount Microsoft. Sideways, who had saved him from the Dolts earlier and had been carrying the Protector had given the Protector back to its rightful owner. Sideways offered to piggyback Frito the rest of the way up Mount Microsoft to toss the Protector into the flames. All the while, Gagum was following them up the mountain, unnoticed, slinking in the shadows.  
  
The two friends made it up the mountain and into its torrid caverns. Closer and closer, they came to the precipice that overlooked the churning lava below them. Before they knew it, Gagum had leapt upon Frito's back and they were tussling for the Protector. Sideways, shocked and upset that the little snot was still alive. Sideways tried to pry Gagum away from Frito but was tossed aside as if he was a piece of crumpled up paper. Frito and Gagum fought for hours until Gagum was dangling by the Protector over the precipice. Frito was hanging by his legs and was about ready to fall into the lava below. Gagum was losing grip, but he was pulling Frito down with him. Sideways helped his best friend back up and Gagum lost his grip, only concerned with finally getting his "shining thing" back. Gagum was immediately liquefied as well as the Protector. Mount Microsoft then fell to pieces and the two friends ran out of there as fast as their hairy Habit legs could carry them.  
  
Back at the White Processor, the Great Horned Gates had been defeated and Arrantgone had returned. The MSN butterflies had also brought Frito and Sideways home. The battle had come to an end and Saururumon was no more, nor were the Dolts. All evil creatures had been slain. The war was finally over and the White Processor had been saved. The White Mac Tree as well had been unscathed by the battle. The true heroes had been the smallest among them all. The Habits had been honored and were now the Lord of the Dorks, the highest title and most prestigious award to be given by the Once and Future Chief, Arrantgone.  
  
A Sadness in Ending, The Story Goes On...  
  
Archwhen and Arrantgone were married and settled down in their kingdom. However, Frito, Gandork and the King of the Elves had to leave for the Great Matrix in the Sky. They would live on in spirit and their memories would always be with those who were carrying out their lives on Middle Garth.  
  
Later on, Sideways carried on the tradition of continuing "There But Never Again, A Habit's Tale" to finish the story someday. He had married the Habit of his dreams, Suzie Q. Loulou. The Once and Future Chief, Arrantgone had settled down and kept the holy monopoly flourishing. In the future, his progeny would be the ones to inherit it along with their affluent lifestyle. That, as they say, was progress.  
  
The End  
  
By: Elizabeth Berndt July 26, 2004 


End file.
